problem with parents

[Mr.A]

So what do they do then?

[hamstergirl]

Hello lullabybunny

i too have problems with my mum, which I have posted on this forum many times. She doesn't care about me and never has done. I too lost a baby when I went into premature labour at 23 weeks. I had a boy who lived for two days. The morning I had him on 19th of December 2007 she came to see me but said she wasn't staying for long because she had a Christmas party to go to. She didn't care one bit that I was going through a traumatic time and her grandson was likely to survive. She lost a baby when she was young so she knew how traumatic it was. That is only one of many many occasions she's really hurt me.

I have been referred to see a counselor on 24th of February. I have been referred for counseling mainly for my anxiety. But I know, deep down, that all my feelings are because I'm angry, upset, have feelings of missing out on a mother-daughter relationship. Those feelings are far far worse than having to deal with this syndrome.

Mr A - at the moment I can't answer your question as what they do but i do know that they encourage you to talk and get everything out in the open. We all know keeping feelings inside is not good for your health. The only thing that is worrying me is that the counselor will try and get me to go and talk to my mom. That I will not do or anything! She's a very nasty lady my mom and you can't say anything to her without her being nasty back.

I do hope you get some counseling if you feel you need it. I have been thinking about it for a long time but now the time as nearly come I'm scared. What am I scared of, I'm scared of crying and not being able to stop. I've had 40 years of her telling me I'm nothing. I just hope that this counseling gives me the strength to ask her, the next time she says these things ,why she says it. My friends tell me I should've walked away from her a along time ago but I have a sister living with her with down syndrome and I know she will stop me seeing her.

I've got two girls and i worship them. In some ways I feel sorry for her, never experiencing that beautiful bond between mother and children. She pays no attention to my children, her grandchildren.

Anyway I could rant and rave all day long about my mom ( hate calling her that cos she's never been a mum) I just hope my feelings change at the end of this counseling.

Lorraine

[gillshutt]

Mr A... we've had this conversation before...

A counsellor can help you change the way you look at things and the way you feel about things. This can help a lot with people who are depressed and people who are in pain if they aren't coping with their condition mentally. If you are depressed because of pain or for other reasons it can make you feel the pain more intensely because you tend to focus more on it. Counselling can help you change the way you think about things, it can and does bring people up from the dark days and... in some cases can save people's lives. Just look at the work the Samaritans do... they are trained counsellors. They can also help with anxiety problems... a common problem with people with FM due to the excess Substance P in the brain.

They can't make you better but they can help you get by day to day.

[hamstergirl]

hI

well explained gillshutt - that was kind of what i was trying to say!

Lorraine

[tireesix]

They won't make you go and talk to your mum. Apart from the fact that they can't (like the whole due date if you are pregnant thing, no one can make you have an induction just because you are over your due date) and secondly, they can't make your mum talk to you.

Personally I got rid of my mum, she is nuts (not in a mental health illness kinda way, she is simply, nuts) and I have felt better ever since, however, for some people, getting rid of the toxic person isn't always an option, so the counsellor will probably help you find ways to deal with her and cope with her in a way that doesn't negatively impact on you, however, you may just find that getting rid is the only way and best for your health, eventually.

[hamstergirl]

Hello

I know i'd feel better if i could get rid of my mum. Why should i let her into my home to tell me her kids are nothing! How cruel!

I dont want to break contact with my sister and i dont want her caught in the middle, so i need a way to deal with it because its having a negative impact on my health! She doesnt ask one thing about whats going on in my life, its all about her.

I'm sorry you were in the same position with your mum! I think people are very lucky if they have loving supporting parents! My mums mum was very cold and unloving towards her, so perhaps she cant show love. However, my aunty (mums sister who my mum has fell out with) said she would never bring her kids up to how she was brought up. I'm changing the pattern because i tell my kids how much i love them all the time!

I just hope this couselling makes me mentally stronger?

Lorraine

[cala]

Hello,

It is possible to set up online counselling if you are having trouble getting to one or getting one to come to you - I tried it for a while but it just wasn't right for me, I kept arguing with the person trying to help me with stuff - must be the psychology degree talking But if you'd like I can dig out the details and find out if its an option in your area?

I have trouble getting my parents even to accept I'm ill and to make it worse they live 20 mins away they all drive including my sister whos in same place and yet they always make me go to them when I don't drive and so need 2 different buses to get there My kingdom for a way to make them understand



Naomi